Who's really who at hogwarts?
by Witch Tekamika
Summary: Hermione and Draco? Voldemorts random appearence that isn't so random? Hogwarts had gone to the dogs. Totally random, written whilst on a suger high. PLz no flames, they make me cry. :b
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter or any related characters but the ideas for this story belong to Evil Llama Pjamas and myself and if anyone even tries to steal any ideas in this story then i'm going to be very upset and release the hounds.

(A/N) Co- written with Evil Llama Pjamas. Sam is Witch Tekamika and Stef is Evil llama Pjamas.

"Come with me Mr. Malfoy," ordered professor mcgonagall.

Everyone was laughing or at least snickering at draco as he left, following professor mcgonagall.

"Draco what happened?" asked a very concerned hermione granger.

"Nothing for you to worry about," draco planted a quick kiss on her cheek before continuing.

(hp) woah woah woah! what do you mean by 'draco planted a quick kiss on her cheek'?

(sam)what i say is half the time what i mean.

(hp)yeah but draco and hermione? they hate each other with passion for crying out loud!

(sam)yeah but that was before 'the incident'

(hp) what incident?

(stef) the incident. don't tell me you dont know about incident!

(hp)...

(stef) that's what i thought.

(sam) well then, we should just hit rewind and show you what we mean!

---back in time---

it all started when hermione was making her way to breakfast on the first day back from summer holidays,

as usual she spent the holidays in correspondence to her two best friends, harry and ron, but one day, miss granger got a very strange and unexpected letter from...

neville longbottom.

he sent her a letter saying that he had recieved this letter in the post a few days ago.it was addressed to him but inside the envelope was another envelope and a note that said:

"you will die in 7 days"

natuarally he was totally freaked out. Then he recognised the elegant handwriting, written in the silver green ink ink of a true slytherin. the note was from...

blaise zabini.

so hermione opened the envelope that was inside neville's letter. inside that was another note and another envelope. the note was from blaise. saying that he was forced to write that note to neville but didn't mean it and if she could tell him that; and that he really wanted to know what was in that letter so if she could tell him once she was done reading it he would love her for the rest of his life.

hermione looked at that envelope which she got from neville, who got it from blaise, who according to the writing on the outside of the envelope got it from none other then ferret boy, draco malfoy.

she sighed and started opening the letter; hoping that it didn't have a curse or anything like that in there.but she only found yet another letter that said:

"dear hermione, would you please open the door? i'm standing outside in the rain and i would really like to talk to you regarding things about the school as we are head boy and girl. please hurry i'm already soaked through, yours gratefully (or at least once you open the door!) draco malfoy. "

_okay... that's just way wierd, suppose i should let him in._

getting up hermione went and opened the door, and her surprise she found a soaking wet draco malfoy. he was definately not the kind of guy you would expect to be the so called heir of slytherin, he was dripping from head to toe and shivering. Suppressing a giggle hermione was about to invite him in when she heard the voice of one person she did not want to see. it was her next door neighbour, Michelle.

"hey hermione! long time no see! tell me is it true that...

"hey is that a guy! an actual guy! like a male human. never thought you were the type hermione. he's cute. can you give him my number? i'd really like to hear from you. any way nice seeing you again. we should catch up soon. how about tommorrow?"

"yeah, maybe some other time. i'm kinda busy now."

"yeah i can see that. have fun!"

"ok." lower voice" you stuck up prissy slut. how can she even pretend to be able to get away with that hollywood-drama-queen-soapie-bitch-act? fucken whore."

"hello? hermione? can i come in or am i going to stand out here and freeze to death?"


	2. Chapter 2

"oh, sorrysmiles sheepishly please come in, i'll get you a towel."

"thanks" closing the door, draco walked into the longue room where a fire was blazing warm, it gave the room a real homey look.

"here you go" hermione came back in and gave draco a towel, "please sit." draco went and sat next to hermione. "you wrote that there was somethings you wished to discuss?"

"actually i lied, you see..."

_knock knock_

"Please excuse me a moment"

"Sure"

hermione walked back out to the entrance hall and opened the door. It was none other then...

severus snape.

"hermione, run away with me. we won't have to worry about rules and whats appropriate or inappropriate; it will just be us. i love you. you know that don't you?"

"professor, why don't you realise that this is really inappropriate. i don't love you i never have and i never will. i'm not going to run away with you. why can't you just accept that? leave me alone!"

and with that she slammed the door in his face.

outside you could still hear snape calling out for her; saying that she was his one and only true love. (i know thats not snape at all, but, meh, deal with it)

after banging her head on the door a few times she turned around and saw draco looking at her and the door, where you could still hear snape, with a really strange look on his face. it was almost as if seeing the head of slytherin acting like that towards a student, had lost all the respect he had for the man. (if that's what you want to call him)

'sorry about that,." she aplogise. 'he's been coming around here and doing that at random times day or night all holidays. anywho... where were we?"

"Um... i... was... about... to... talk... to... you..." stuttered draco still staring at her. going to walk around him she stopped beside him, his eyes still on her. Meeting his gaze and smiling, hermione merely said "take a picture, it lasts longer," and walked back into the longue room.

Draco then followed suit and sat down next to her,

"hermione there's something i need to tell you, i love you."

"excuse me?" said a rather shocked hermione.

"i love you and have since the first year." draco eyes were now boaring holes into a now very interesting floor.

"Really?' draco nodded in response.

"Me too..."

Looking up in disbelief hermione pulled draco into a passionate kiss, you know the kind you see on movies but know never happan in the real world.

(hp) OMG! you just had to do that didn't you?

(sam) if only to see the look on your face! priceless!

(steph) grow up sam.

(sam) make me.

Needless to say what followed, but if we fast forward to the next day then lets say the bathroom is downstairs and a certain guy who shall remain nameless, whose name begins with draco malfoy came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel:

(sam) steph stop drooling all over my uggies! total gross.

(dm) you mean she is drooling over little ol' me?

(sam) for now, what till you see what i do to you later smirks evilly

(dm)... shivers

:just as hermione was opening the front door to a very shocked looking...

order of the pheonix.

"hermione! great to see you! did you know that just then a train came out of no where and hit the girl who lives next door." exclaimed Tonks in one breath."anyway how are you? can we come in? thanks."

and they just filed in through the door, with out waiting for a response.

just so you know the order in this instance consists of tonks, lupin, sirius(he hasn't died) molly and arthur weasley, fred and george weasley, kingsley, mc gonagall, madeye moody, harry and ron.

just then when everyone had just gotten comfotable and were starting to catch up on all the news, a voice called out from the bathroom.

"hermione." and just then draco walked into the lounge, in only a towel, " do you know where my clothes a...a...are?"

"Yes, they are in the dryer, remember? i said i'd wash them."

"R...r...right. thanks."

draco fled to the laundry to recover his clothes as hermione was bombarded with a million questions.

"what happaned?"

"how'd he get in here?"

"Did you invite him?"

"did he stay here last night?"

"did he do anything to you?"

"Don't you think he's hot in that towel?"

"Hermione, do you know what you're doing?"

"hermione, well done, it turns out your not a lesbian."

"something is not right!"

hermione was starting to flush and became a little overwhelmed when...

(dm) hey why's potter here?

(Steph) because it's a harry potter story, dah!

(Sam) yeah shut up, you should be cleaning out my drool infested boots.

(dm) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !

PUNCH!

(dm) my face my beautiful face!

(sam) yeah, that'll learn ya! only i can laugh at stef's misfortune. Ahem, ha ha aha ha ha ha ha!

(stef) bitch

and suddenly a fighter jet came out of nowhere and bombed sam

(stef) that'll learn ya

Any who ... last time on this story...

"what happaned?"

"how'd he get in here?"

"Did you invite him?"

"did he stay here last night?"

"did he do anything to you?"

"Don't you think he's hot in that towel?"

"Hermione, do you know what you're doing?"

"hermione, well done, it turns out your not a lesbian."

"something is not right!"

hermione was starting to flush and became a little overwhelmed when...

now back to the story...

at that exact second ron calmly stood up and went to leave the room.

"ron where are you going?" queried sirius.

"i'm going to go kill malfoy." ron answered over his shoulder in the calmest ( and deadliest(?)) voice that they had ever heard come from him.

"Now Ronald, why would you do that?"

"coz, hermione you are like a sister to harry and me, we don't want to see a loser like malfoy do anything to you."

"who's a loser?" asked draco as he came through the doorway. he walked over to hermione sat down next to her, put his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek.

each action seemed to create even more tension in the room.

"Is dosn't matter draco," said hermione sweetly.

"what ever."

"So malfoy," said harry in a very dignified and business like fashion, "what is really going on with you are our dear sweet and inoocent hermione? you know, if you have done anything to her, we will be forced to hurt you."

"Harry," warned sirius.

"Don't you dare try to deny the fact that you want to hurt him too!"

(sam) can't you feel the love in this household?

(dm) yeah, sickening.

(sam) hey you were the one doing the loving...

(dm) shut up

(sam) no

(random person who is probably stef) hey aren't you dead?

(sam) yeah but i'm the devil so i can't die.

then a nuclear warhead dropped on stef and she was blown to smitherens. he he he heeee.

(sam) revenge is a bitch.

then sam spat on her grave and walked away. just kidding! she danced too!

"Fine harry i won't deny it but you really must try to find other way to hurt him, rather then physical pain. you know like...


	3. Chapter 3

you could suddenly become gay?"

"grow up sirius."

"yes minerva."

"anyway, if you all will excuse us we have things to do."

and with that the order of the pheonix grudgedly left the house.

"So hermione, what exactly are we supposed to be doing?"

sauntering over to him she wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up to his face as he wrapped his arms around her.

"well i thought we could...

play twister."

"very clever, but we should probably get ready to go to school the train leaves in an hour."

"okay, then, i'll go home and pack my stuff and then come back to escort you to train station fair lady." draco picked up hermione's hand and kissed it.

"If you insist, good sir."

"oh i do, i do."

Turning to leave, hermione stopped him.

"Since when do you know how to play twister, or even what twister is?"

smiling draco just left.

the train trip went all good.

apparently the news of of draco and hermione getting together and that he was at her house in only a towel had got around fast.

they spent the whole trip in a compartment watched by ron and harry.

not that they really cared they expected that. but what was really got them peeved during that journey was the number of people who looked in at the window to see if the rumours were true. and the number of people who came in asking questions.

"are you pregnant?"

"are you to getting married?"

"i heard that you knocked her up in a dark alley. and now your going out and are planning to get married to hide your shame."

okay so that last one was more of a statement

"are you two actually going out?"

"can i borrow a quill?"

"are you cheating on malfoy with both harry and zabini?"

"have you slept together yet?"

"have you seen my toad?"

"can we borrow a condom? we know you have some because you two have been sleeping together."

"are you crazy? he's a slytherin."

"are YOU crazy? she's a gryffindor."

"have you seen my toad?"

they were about to go completely insane when pansy parkinson and millicent bullstroad walked in the door.

"draco? is it true? you're going out with her?"

"yes it's true. what do you want to do about it?"

"nothing. i just wanted to tell you that millicent and i are...

completely heartbroken that you would choose a filthy gryffindor and a mudblood no less over pure bloods like us."

"yeah well, at least hermione dosn't plaster herself with makeup and perfume to try and attract a guy, she does it naturally."

"have you guys seen my toad?"

"For the last time, NO!"

"Okay okay, don't need to shout."

Sulking Harry and ron forced millicent and pansy out of the compartment, but a sudden burst of magic pushed them out too! the door snapped shut and they were locked out leaving hermione and draco in there unsupervised! what were they going to do!

Then they started to hear some noises that sounded suspiciously like...

laughing.

"i thought they would never leave."

"so did i. so know what do you want to do?"

"don't know. you think of something."

"well ok." thinking "i got it...

how about we mess up our robes and hair and open the door looking majorly puffed?"

"nah, to classic,"

"what about we just leave them out there looking totally stupid."

"sounds like fun."

(sam) hey stef, i got a surprise for you!

(dm,hp,hg,rw and everyone else) hee hee hee, ha ha ha ha, your gonna die sucker die. (Tal) Cough _rip off _cough

(stef) oh god what!

(sam) you remember how you wrote that hermione rejected severus?

(stef) no you didn't...

(sam) oh, i did!

(stef) no!

(sam) you are going on a date with your favourite potions master, professor severus snape!

(stef) you bitch! you-talk-show-host-sounding-bitch!

(dm) i thought you were trying to keep it pg?

(stef) go to hell

(sam) he can't, there's a three month waiting list.

(stef) what ever

(hp)now now kiddies, lets be nice.

(stef) screw you

(hp) no way

(rw) you are all being pretty bloody rude!

(stef) bite me

(rw) where, when and how hard?

(ss) leave her alone! please leave my sweet heart and soul mate alone!

(stef) keep that freak away from me!

(all but stef and ss) why?

(stef)coz

(sam) well in that case (all but stef and ss) NO!

(your gonna die sucker die!)

"Sshh, i can hear more people coming."

"Mr. malfoy and miss. granger! this is not the kind of behaviour we expect from the new head boy and girl, open up immediately!"

Oh no. It was none other then...

professor mc gonagall.

and now back to the start of the story

"Come with me Mr. Malfoy," ordered professor mcgonagall.

Everyone was laughing or at least snickering at draco as he left, following professor mcgonagall.

"Draco what happened?" asked a very concerned hermione granger.

"Nothing for you to worry about," draco planted a quick kiss on her cheek before continuing.

i know that the start of the story doesn't fit in completely with where the story went to but, meh, deal with it

SOMETHING!

(stef) ha take that sam. you told me to write something so i did.

please sam don't make me write anything else. i have serious writers block. the guy on the show looks like dracula.

yeah i know!

"what do you mean by 'nothing for me to worry about?'!"

"I mean there just seems to be some kind of problem."

"well i'm coming with you."

"no, i don't think you are."

"oh, but i beg the differ." interupted professor mcgonagall. "we need to talk to miss granger also. So come along."

"Yes, professor."

As they followed professor mcgonagall down the train, everyone from first to seventh year appeared at the windows and opened doors as to try and see or at lest gather some kind of clue as to why this year head boy and girl were being carted away by the deputy head mistress.

"Please wait here for...

professor dumbledore. he will be along shortly, as will the other teachers. by the way we have a new defence against the dark arts teacher. you know her miss granger. nymphadora tonks. she will be pleased to see you arrive safe. anyway, we all need to talk to you about your duties for this year, as well as the situation we have found our selves in."

"excuse me professor, but what situation are you talking about?"

" why miss granger, we were not expecting the two of you to... become an item. the head master will talk to you about it when you get to his office. but for now...

you will have to wait. "

Just then tonks (yes tonks!) came through the door as mcgonagall left.

"TONKS!" hemione shouted and gave her a huge hug. "it's good to see you again."

"And you too hermione, settle down. This must be mr. malfoy, winking i want to have a chat with you"

"regarding what."

"I think you know."

straightening up malfoy just nodded. "I see."

"Uh hello, i'm still here you know."

"So you are hermione," said a smiling tonks.

"So tonks, fill me in, hows remus?"

"he's going really well. he found a job at honeydukes. well actually we bought it."

"thats great. wiat, wait, wait. we?"

"um, yeah, you see we're...


	4. Chapter 4

"we're... we're going to be business partners once the paperworks finalised."

"right and that's it i presume?"

"ah... well..."

At that moment the train arrived at hogwarts.

"Well, i gotta go, so i'll see you at dinner."

POP!

And with that tonks was gone.

"Well that was unexpected." said hermione in a soiught of dazed stupa.

"Yeah well...

what did you expect from someone who's mum called her nymphadora."

"nothing much i guess. We better go and see dumbledore before we get to dinner."

"sure."

Hermione and Draco walked down the hallway towards the headmasters office when they ran into harry and ron who immediately took on the offensive to try and get hermione away from him.

"hermione, what are you doing with him?"

"well harry we are going to see professor dumbledore."

"but why are you walking with him?"

"we saw what happened at your house on the holidays and harry's even going through therepy because of it. we thought it was just a one off thing. we even let you get away with what happened on the train. but seriously why are you doing this?"

"because.. i can?"

"What! you can't seriously be enjoying spending time with ferret boy!"

"Oh yeah? the way you are talking makes it sound like you 2 are jealous because i've been spending more time with him then you!"

"ah...i...um... i got absolutely no come back to that."

"Well then if you'll excuse us we have to see the headmaster."

"wait, we want to come to make sure he dosn't do anything to you."

"seriously, do you think i would lay a hand on hermione? or at least somewhere where it hasn't been before..." Draco said slyly with and impish grin on his face.

Harry and ron exchanged funny looks and then turned and ran to dinner in the great hall.

"What do you mean by that draco?" asked hermione cocking an eyebrow.

"don't we have seperate dormitories to everyone else now?"

"yes, but..." now it was hermione's turn to smile impishly.

"you know that what i think your suggesting we can do now, can't be done."

"but why?"

"because there is a charm on our dormitories that stops that kinda of thing from happening. they had to put it there after 7 head girls in a row became pregnant. i read about it in... _hogwarts: a history_."

draco just stared at her with disbelief.

"damn, now what do we do in our spare time?"

"well freaking harry and ron out like that seems like lots of fun..."

"yeah it is, you should try it sometime."

Just at that moment they reached professor dumbledore's office and knocked on the door.

"come in!"

"lets go hermione."

"After you draco, that old coot kinda freaks me out."  
"but your his little golden girl..."

"actually no i'm not. he doesn't really like me at all. parvati and lavender are his fave gryffindors. but all up his fave is ...dah dah dah dramtic silence pansy parkinson."

"what! that selfish, stuck-up, self-absobed bi..."

"mr. malfoy. miss granger. glad you got here so quickly. now straight on to business."

"What is it? Is anything wrong professor?"

"well miss granger, yes and no."

"what is going on professor? Did we do something?" asked draco.

"Actually yes you did do something."

"which is..."

"You got together."

"The problem is what professor?" asked hermione as draco started to grip hand tightly.

"i had a bet with professor tonks that no one in their 7th year will get together with their arch-nemisis. no matter what their sex is. and because you two got together i have now lost that bet. so anyway, because of that i have to have my beard a different colour for every month of the year."

hermione and draco just stared at him in disbelief.

"now personally, i have wanted to do this for years now, so here was my chance. but the other major problem was that those spells that stopped mister malfoy from going into your dormitory and vice-versa were removed at the end of last year thinking that we wouldn't have the same problem this year, because of your past relationship. and now it's too late to put the spells up again because they have too be done before the school year starts. so...

mister malfoy has just won a years supply of comdoms and miss granger shall be put on the pill for free!"

"WHAT!"

"you heard. and dont tell me you won't use them mister malfoy; i heard that conversation you two were having on your way here. now on to more important business, what color should i make my beard this month?"

"orange. draco lets go."

draco and hermione left, leaving dumbledore muttering to himself over what shade of orange his beard will be.

"God he's an insufferable old fool."

"Tell me about it, hey hermione..."

"yeah"

"no one said we have to stay in the castle whilst attending hogwarts."

"yeah but if we didn't stay here then that meant people can just barge in."

"teachers can just barge in anyway."

"so, i don't think they will just in case they see something they don't really want to see."

"so what your saying is that we will have more privacy if we stay in the castle?"

"yep. that about sums it up."

"hey guess what i just thought of?"

"what?" asked hermione suspiciously.

"another plus side to staying here. it will totally freak potter and weasley out."

and they both laughed.hey i know that was a really lame sentance but hey deal with it.

''so do you want to go test out our new dormitories?"

"I don't see a problem with that except the fact that i'm really hungry, if we go now we can still catch dinner."

"Yeah and freak potter and weasley."

"whose table? gryffindor or slytherin?

"How about slytherin tonight and just when potter and weasley think you've totally lost it... we'll sit at gryffindor for breakfast!"

they both laughed.

(sam)see i can make up lame senteces too!

(dm) only beacause you are lame

(sam) hey i know that but do you have to tell everybody

(dm) yep

(hg) hey let me help

(sam) you double crossing traitorous bitch, i will get you back so bad

(hp & rw) not if we have anything to do about it

(sam) hey look it hermione and draco

(hp & rw) oh the horror!

(stef) you are so mean

(sam) because you want to ron's sister-in-law...

(stef) oh you are so dead

start fighting...

(all characters except draco and hermione who are other wise 'ahem' preoccupied) fight! fight! fight! fight!

stef and sam then zapped everyone with lightning.

then sam gets hit by a tonka truck, followed by a steam roller.

(stef)oh tiddley de potatoes ( (Tal) you bitch! You stole my line! The pixes will hear about this! runs away crying)  
when they got to the great hall, everything went silent.

hermione and draco walked down to some spare seats at the slytherin table.

as soon as they sat down; the great hall erupted with whispers.

"did you see that.."

"she sat down at the slytherin table"

"potters heart broken"

"the weddings at the end of term"

"she broke up with weasley for him"

"scandel..."

"they spent the holidays together in a secluded cabin.."

"i don't blame her"

"i thought he was gay. he's always messing about with how he looks..."

"he's so hot"

"what happened to krum?"

"heard they had made a cake"

"he's already cheated on her with parkinson"

"who are they?" (some little first year)

"love triangle"

"somethings going to happen tonight in their dorms"

the rumor mill was going haywire for almost 1/4 hour before any sort of order came about the great hall once more. and that only happened because because prof. dumbledore walked in with his beard coloured...

orange!

"did you see that..."

"he looks crazy"

"mcgonagalls heart broken."

"fighting for gay rights."

"he's gay with snape!"

"oh my god..."

"messy lot of trouble for the teacher union."

"snape left him..."

"mcgonagal's with snape as revenge for dumbledore leaving her..."

"why are we all talking like this?"

"will any particular person talk?"

"10 galleons says malfoy and granger are all part of some elaborate sceem with the teachers to try and make us crazy."

"George!" cried hermione.

"Oh get over it, fred and i have been betting on you since the first year."

"you haven't..."

"we have, george still owes me about 2 thousand galleons."

"Fred!" fred shrugs

(sam) now i don't see what the problem is.

(dm) aren't you dead?

(sam) yeah and you will be too if you don't keep your mouth shut!

(dm) i'll be good.

just the lucius malfoy walked into the great hall and nearly kealed over when he saw his son, a pure blood wizard, all over a mud blood. It was disgusting, it was vile, it was...

to be expected.

Mr. malfoy couldn't help it if his only son fell in love with a mudblood. But boy jingos he would try to put an end to it even if it killed him.

"Draco," Malfoy snaped.

Turning suddenly draco came face to face with the one person he did not want to see right know, his father.

"Father, what are you doing here?"

"We need to talk, come with me."

draco obeidiantly followed his father out of the great hall but not before giving hermione another kiss.

"i'll be back soon," he whispered before leaving hermione to the mercy of pansy parkinson and her goons.

"what is going on here!"

"well, it would seem that it is the start of year feast."

"you know what i'm talking about." lucius malfoy basically yelled at him.

"no father, i'm afraid i don't know."

"how about running away from your home; getting together with a mud blood; disgracing your family name..."

"father i did not run away from home. you kicked me out. i am with hermione because i love her. don't call her a mudblood again. and i don't give a rats about the family name."

meanwhile in the great hall

"what the hell are you doing with my drakie?" pansy practically spat at her.

"well it would appear that i am making you 'drakie' happy which is something you were never able to do."

"why you little..."

ahem

(pp) what do you want sam!

(sam) well i just though that i would reminding you that we don't won't any violence in this story.

(pp) oh yeah?

(sam) is that a challenge?

(pp) it would appear so.

(sam) you are dead parkinson.

(hp,rw,hg,mb,fw,gw,gw,dm) (sung) your gonna die sucker die.

(sam) you are finished

(pp) gulp

(hp,rw,hg,mb,fw,gw,gw,dm) you are gone!

"hey hermione?"

"yes blaise what can i do for you?"

"i was just wondering, how did you to get together? Last i heard draco went missing and you stopped any contact with the outside world"

"What a load of bullox."

"well what happened?"

"okay then well..." as hermione reply the events of her summer escapade draco was still arguing with his good for nothing father...


	5. Chapter 5

"you should show more respect to your family."

"why? my 'family', as you call it, has never shown any respect to me. i don't see why i don't just spill all the malfoy family secrets that i've found out, and have them printed in the daily profit."

lucius looked worried.

"what secrets have you found out."

"not much. for starters there's the one about you sleeping with mothers sister when she was pregnant with me."

"how did you find that out?"

"well i didn't but you just admitted it, so i believe that they call this blackmail. Isn't it father? you'd be a bit of an expert on things like that"

all lucius could do was growl.

"now then, i believe you were just about to welcome hermione into our family, weren't you father?"

"fat chance."

"well everyone is still at dinner and we do have a few visiting council members i'm sure as new head boy they would let me make an announcement. besides, hermione's family don't seem to mind."

"but they are just mindless muggles."

"and good people! just leave and don't come back and don't talk to me ever again or go into that hall and welcome hermione into our family. you choose."

once again all lucius could do was growl. He could either go against all his principals and invite a mud blood to join his pure blood family or he could lose his only son and the only malfoy heir. what would he do?

in the great hall

"are you serious?"

"yes i am blaise."

pansy, millicent and the rest of slytherin, that were listening in and were trying not to make it obvious, looked slightly disgusted. they couldn't believe that draco malfoy, the head boy, the prince of slytherin; would do all _that _with a mud blood.

blaise on the other hand was looking partly shocked, partly surprised, partly amused, half like he was going to be overcome by hysteric laughter and partly turned-on.

"never knew he had all that in him. personally after putting up with all that crap from pansy for years, i thought he licked the other side of the stamp."

hermione had no idea what he was saying.

"you know batted for the other team."

sitll had no idea.

"i thought he was gay!"

back with draco and lucius

"I will not agree to those terms."

"Fine then. Well if you'll excuse me i have an announcement to make."

"how about a comprimise instead?"

"comprimise? you!"

"Yes, instead of what you propose you bring her around home for the weekend and we'll get to know her. Then we'll re-asses the situation. Do we have a deal?"

in the great hall

"he is not gay."

"well, dah, i know that now. after what you told us he did, there is no way he could be gay."

just then harry and ron came over to the slytherin table.

(hp)"hermione?"

(hg)"yes, harry."

(rw)"is this really you or have you been taken over by evil spirit?"

(hg)"no ron, i have not been taken over by an evil spirit."

(rw)"good."

(hp)"then why are you sitting at the slytherin table?"

(hg)"because i am waiting for draco to come back from talking to father. and here he is now."

draco walked back into the great hall.

he had a worried look on his face. he sat down next to hermione gave her a kiss and just sat there staring into oblivion thinking. suddenly he seemed to notice the harry and ron were there.

"so potter, weasley; what are you doing at the slytherin table. you trying to join slytherin?"

"no way malfoy. we came to see why hermione is sitting here with the likes of you."

"because i want to sit with my boyfriend harry. i've checked the rules, it's allowed. the only times you have to sit at your house table is in your first year and at the end of year feast."

"you heard the lady. why don't you go back to gryffindor table, unless you want to join us here at slytherin."

"no thanks. we'll talk to you tomorrow hermione."

"okay see ya."

"so what happened with your father?"

"can i tell you later?"

"yeah sure."

suddenly blaise spoke up.

"so is it true? everything you two did?"

"What?"

"you know. is everything that hermione said true?"

"What did you tell him hermione?" he asked very confused.

"um, well, you see what happened was that they wanted to know what had happened over the holidays to get you and i together but not only that but apparently nearly everyone here though you were gay to i had to clear that up."

"Okay, what ever and hermione i need to talk to you afetr dinner, k?"

"K, sure."

and hermione gave him another kiss, just before...

dumbledore stood up to make his start of term announcements.

"before we dig in to this wonderful feast i have a few announcements to make (well dah). first i would like to congratulate our new head boy and girl; draco malfoy and hermione granger."

there was lots of applause to this but most of it was coming from ravenclaw and hufflepuff. gryffindor and slytherin were to busy shooting death glares at each other to applaude much.

"and a welcome to all of our new students; we hope you have a wonderful and enlightening year here with us. i would also like to welcome your new defence against the dark arts teacher, miss nymphadora tonks."

this was welcomed by a huge applause from everyone.

"and because professor snape and run off somewhere; we all assume that he went mad and shot himself. i want everyone to welcome mr. sirius black as our new potions master."

This got a huge cheer from everyone also.

Tonks and Sirius stood as Sirius cleared his throat.

"We would like to see Hermione Granger after dinner, please and then Draco Malfoy too. But for now enjoy your meal."

"Well you heard him children," said dumbledore gleefully. "Dig in!"

And everyone did just that. As soon as all the dishes had been cleared and every belly had been filled, hermione and draco got up and went to the new potions master's office.

Inside everything was much more cheerful then it had been in previous years, mainly due to Sirius being there but Tonks was there too.

"Hermione we need to talk, Mr. Malfoy if you could please wait outside we will be with you momentarily."

Draco left leaving hermione alone with sirius and tonks.

Tonks was the first to speak...

"Just what the hell fo you think you are doing?" she screamed

"pardon?"

"what do you think you are doing?"repeated sirius.

"i don't know what you are talking about. what is this about?"

"this is about you galavanting around with a known death eater."

"he's not a death eater anymore. he's joined our side."

"it doesn't matter that he's joined our side." tonks tried to reason. "once you become a death eater it's a life time deal. there is no way of getting out of it. our sources have also told us that voldemort was thinking about making mister malfoy his heir before lucius malfoy kicked him out of his home. he's dangerous. we don't want you getting hurt."

"he won't hurt me."

this time sirius tried talking to her, "hermione we all care about you. we don't want you to get hurt; physically or emotionally. the order didn't know he was a death eater until we saw him at your house this summer. surely you would have seen while you were... anyway. we don't want you to get hurt. if anything happens this year we want you to come straight to one of us. you can tell us anything. if anything happens to you, if he does anything you don't want him too tell us."

"okay i will."

"we want you to promise us. promise that you will do this on the order on the pheonix."

"i pormise on the order of the pheonix. Professors."

tonks smiled.

"okay you can send in mister malfoy now."

hermione went outside and told draco that they were ready for him.

"what did they want?"

"nothing important, just that if anything happened i would go to them and that you are the typical bad boy that they don't want there sweet little friend associating with."

"That's it?"

"yep."

"sound like a storyline for some kind of soapie."

"tell me about it. They want to see you now"

"Okay. Are you going to wait or meet me back at the dormitory?"

"How about i meet you back there and i will have a surprise for you, but not until you tell me what they say and what your father said."

"okay it's a deal."

draco went in but only to be confronted by to very,_ very, very, **very**_, scary looking professors.

"draco, take a seat." said tonks in a sweet voice.

"er... thanks professor. why am i here?"

"i think you know why, mister malfoy." sirius interjected.

"i'm sorry sir but i have no idea."

"come on. we know hermione told you why you two were called here tonight. so we are going to give you the same warning we gave her."

"we know you are a death eater draco." tonks told him. "we don't want anything happening her."

tonks walked behind him.

"because if you do you won't live to regret what you've done to her."

"you understand that don't you mister malfoy?" questioned sirius.

"yes sir."

"good you can go now."

Draco was a little stunned at first, he didn't know how to react to that, before he knew it he had arrived at the heads dormitories. entering he came face to face with a happy looking hermione who was predictably reading a book by the open fire place.

"hey, what did they say to you?"

"that they know i'm a death eater, which is a total lie! why would i work for the same guy who has enslaved my parents."

"I don't know, maybe they just don't understand you like i do." hermione said with a smile on her face.

draco went and sat down next to her.

"Was that it from the teachers?"

"pretty much yeah"

"well what about your father, you said you would talk to me later about it."

"he has invited you around to stay at the family mansion for a weekend so my parental units can get to know you better."

"What!"


	6. Chapter 6

"yeah, i know. it's a trap. i could see that from the beginning. but he actually comprimised to get to that. he **_comprimised_** for heavens sake. my father."

"how did you get him to do that?"

"i told him that he can either walk into the great hall and publically welcome you to the family; or he can loose his one and only heir forever."

"oh, that's harsh. that's why i love you."

"i love you too. now what was this surprise you were telling me about?"

"Oh i forgot, but who cares."

"me, but anyway look at the bright side, here is you and me and a very romantic fireside..."

We don't really need to type what happens next, use your imagination. It's the next day that's really interesting, you see. it's friday and lucius malfoy has come to the school to escort draco and hermione back to the mansion, but lucius has planned to make hermione's stay hell so that he can scare her off and get her to stay away from draco.

"hello father."

"draco, granger."

"father..." said through gritted teeth.

"hello miss granger, it's good to see you again."

"quite with the false pleasentries, i know you hate me."

"indeed."

"can we just go please." asked draco getting annoyed.

"yes son."

but this was not the interesting part, what comes next when the meet draco mother, that is where the fun starts.

it's a glorious friday morning. the sun is shining, birds are singing, not a cloud in the sky. And our favourite head boy and girl of hogwarts are in love. what a lovely picture they are.

they're strolling through the grounds, arms around eachother, talking quietly.

but there are quite a few things wrong with this picture.

1. they weren't smiling.

2. they seemed on edge.

3. the students they were passing were having bets on if it was all just a ploy to see how many students they could make go insane.

4.they were heading to the gates when it wasn't:

a) a hogsmeade weekend

b) end of term

5.lucius malfoy was with them.

they were headed to the dreaded malfoy manor. to spend the weekend.

and what a weekend it promised to be.

the trip to the manor passed quickly; because when they got outside hogsmeade they all apparated.

the hard part was still to come. hermione granger had to meet draco malfoy's mother. Nacissia.

BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM (dramatic silence)

"draco! sweetheart! it's good to see you home, i missed you so much sweety."

"hello mother." they exchanged hugs and kisses on the cheek.

"who's the mudblood whore?" asked mrs.malfoy going from loving mother to a disgusted upper class pig (and i mean that in the nicest possible way)(NOT!)

"mother! this is hermione granger, she's staying for the weekend, remember?"

"no, this is the first i've heard of it."

everyone turned to look at lucius who was looking suspiciously like a man who knew he was about to get an earful from his wife.

when the tension in the air had gotten thick enough that you could cut it with a knife, draco decided to make a break for it.

"well we'd love to stick around but i think i should show hermione her room and give her a quick tour of the manor and grounds."

and with that draco pulled hermione away from the scared lucius, and the seething narcissia.

as they walked away you could her narcissia going on about mudblood whores, the family name, and all number of things that wouldn't keep this story in the pg category.

(dm)Not that it was there anyway

(sam) what the hell are you on about?

(hg) he's on about nothing

(dm)oh yeah!

(hg)yeah

(sam) settle down you two save it for the honey moon

(both) what is that supose to mean?

(sam) nothing, i'm just really looking forward to later on in the story.

(both) ah oh, were in trouble

(sam) yes you are bwa ha ha ha haaaaa.

(both) gulp

(lm) what is the point of this? it is just a waste of time.

(nm)don't you go changing the subject lucius! you are practically dead as it is!

(lm cowering) hide me!

draco showed hermione all around the grounds and the manor. though he kept the thing he thought she would like the best for last.

"close your eyes."

"why?"

"just close them."

he then put a blind fold on her.

"it's okay. you have nothing to worry about. i thought you would like this the best of all."

and with this said he gently guided her into the library.

he took off the blind fold.

"OMG. look at this place."

--------------------

after spending a couple of hours at the library, draco finally managed to pull her away with a promise that from now on she could borrow any book that she wanted at anytime to read.

he also had some more surprises for her.

once he showed her the room that she would be staying in for the weekend.

he took her to a secluded part of the manor where he had set up a romantic candel light dinner for the two of them.

"oh draco it's lovely."

"I thought you'd like it, pity it wasn't my idea."

"what do you mean?"

"i mean this is my fathers way of saying sorry to my mother."

"so why are we here?"

"because i needed to get something for you."

turning draco went rummeging through some boxes and along some shelves.

"have you found what you are looking for draco?"

"yes i have, here you go."

draco held out his hand, in his palm sat a ...

small box.

he opened this box and inside she saw...

beautiful green velevet lining, and right in the center of that lining was something hermione never expected. It was a...

little raised platform that you normally find in a box such as this.

on this platform (besides for more green velvet) was...

another raised platform and on this platform was a gorgeous silver ring.

It had a diamond in the middle and on either side a slightly smaller emerald.

"this is for you."

"oh draco,that's so sweet. where did you get it?"

"well you see...

it's been in my family for generations. it was given to me by my grandmother before she died. she told me that one day i would meet a young women who would make me happier then anyone else ever has or ever will. she was talking about you hermione. of course i didn't believe her about the young women thing, i was only 6 years old at the time."

hermione just listened in wonder.

"i had to hide it from my father and mother. they weren't really happy that she left everything she owned to me. her house, money, everything. i think she meant it to be an engagement or wedding ring, but i'll give it to you as a promise ring. so will you take it?"

"of course i will. you had to ask?"

"i had to make sure."

the next night lucius made sure they all sat down to a nice 'family' dinner. something the malfoys barely ever to never ever did. It was clear that narcissa still did not like hermione very much, her face was etched into what looked to be a permenent scowl. You could easily tell it would take a lot to get her approval, but also to be deemed good enough for her precious son.

"so hermione," started lucius. "how is school going, i heard that you and draco are the top two pupils."

hermione just smiled politely and replied, "school is going very well mr malfoy, i'm rather enjoying it even though it will be sad to leave after so many years."

"well at least you won't have much if any trouble at all finding a job. I could even put in a good word for you if you like."

"thank-you mr malfoy, i think i may even take you up on that offer, but it depends on where i might find i want to go after school. I've always wanted to travel, and to find something really horrible to do to that nosey next door neighbour of mine."

lucius was suddenly looking thoughtful.

"hey isn't the one your talking about that michelle chick?"

nacissia almost snarled when she heard he son talking so informally.

"yeah thats her."

"i thought she was hit by a train?"

"probably, but you haven't met her sister."

"what, is she worse?"

"oh yeah in a big way."

"is she a slut and a hoe bag too?"

"yep. i guess it runs in the family."

narcissa's snarling turned to growling. "how dare you brainwash my son like that!" she screamed at hermione.

"excuse me? i have no idea what you mean." hermione replied calmly.

"you know exactly what you have done. you are trying to take my son away from us. You are trying to prevent him from fulfilling his destiny."

"i am not trying to take your son away from you. in fact, i would like him to try and mend this fractured relationship between himself and you two." hermione was starting to cry. The tears streaming down her face as she cried, "At least he has a family and i don't see how working for voldemort is fulfilling destiny. If anything it is sealing his fate."

Hermione ran from the table, tears flying behind her. Draco stood up, shot a look at his mother that said 'don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even act like you know me. You are no mother of mine' before running after hermione.

While narcissa had a look of utter triumph, lucius could only sigh, he could tell he was going to lose his son again.

"why did you have to go do that?"

"what do you mean 'go do that'?"

"you know what i mean. deliberatly try and insult her."

"why are you sticking up for her. she just a filthy mud blood whore."

"i know that."

"you could have fooled me."

"i'm not sticking up for her. i just don't want to loose our son. and, may i remind you, only heir."

---meanwhile---

"hermione wait."

"no."

"please."

"no. i'm going back hogwarts where i belong. i was being stupid thinking that i could make this work. your parents hate me. they always will, just because of who my parents are, or what their not."

"hermione. listen to me. yes. they hate you. they may always hate you. but if you stick around you will at least earn their respect. but if you insist on going back to hogwarts, i'm coming with you."


	7. Chapter 7

"you know what. when you put it that way, i realise that i am no quiter. i never quit anything before because it was hard. i conquer. and that is precisely what i am going to do with your parents. I will stick it out and prove to them that any muggle born is just as good as a malfoy."

"that's my girl."

malfoy hugged hermione tightly, completely unaware that his parents were watching them from a window upstairs.

"you see lucius, she is brainwashing our son."

"you see narcissa said sarcastically your interfering and degrading will only bring them closer together."

"hmph."

narcissa stormed off to the family library and study to plan her next move and plot in this game that had far higher stakes then anyone could have realised.

"so what do you think that i should do draco?"

"i'm not quite sure. i've never been faced with this situation before. don't know if it'll help you but mother is really really, and i mean really scared of...

the colour pink."

"the colour pink? that's a bit odd."

"i know, so what if you always wore something obviously pink?"

"that might work. or what if i...

had pink streaks put in my hair?"

"that could work."

"Draco, hermione!"

the two teens turned around to find lucius striding towards them.

"what is it father?"

"your mother just had a nervous breakdown and has gone partially insane, she has been escourted to st mungo's."

"is she going to be alright?"

"i don't know, but at least she won't bother you two for the time being."

"father, we are going to go back to school tomorrow."

"but why?" asked lucius stunned.

"because the day after tomorrow is monday. as in the first day of the school week."

"okay."

"we might come back sometime soon."

"okay."

The next day as they were packing for school...

hermione found a package in with her things.

she opened it up and found a note and a set of jewelery.

the jewelery included an emerald necklace, emerald earrings and an emerald bracelet. she just stared in shock at it.

after she got over the original shock she read the note:

'Hermione,

I know you didn't tell me but...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

if you don't like it, let me know and i can get you something different.

love you.

draco.'

_Oh, how sweet._

The jewellery was her favourite colour, even though she was in gryffindor, she could not let her friends know that her favourite colour was slytherin green.

She immediately put the jewllery on and changed her outfit to match.

Stepping out of the bedroom with her bag, she saw draco standing there.

The only thing he manged to say was...

"hi."

"hi?"

"so your wearing the jewelery. i hope you don't mind the colour."

"i love the colour. how did you know my favorite colour was emerald green?"

"lucky guess. we should get going."

"walking out of the house and down the road a bit they ran into none other then fred and george weasley.

and as you can imagine, all hell broke loose.

(fw) what do you mean all hell broke loose?

(gw) now fred, when would we do something like that?

(fw) i don't know george. samantha?

(gw) would you care to tell us?

(sam) no. but stef will!

(stef) well you see...

hey look there's a dog with a fluffy tail.

(fw, gw, sam)...?

sam whacks stef over the head with a mallet.

everyone cheers.

(sam) thankyou thankyou (said whilst bowing) and now onto the story!

-----back with hermione and draco-----

"hi fred. hi george."

"hey 'mione. wats happening? woah!"

fred and george grab an arm each and drag her a few meters away.

"hermione?" asked fred sweetly.

"yes?"

"are you crazy?" asked george.

"no. why?"

"hello! you are with draco malfoy and dressed in slytherin green!" stated fred.

"have you been brain washed?" asked george.

"no george i have not been brainwashed."

"then can you please tell us what is happening here? harry and ron are considering sending you to saint mungo's; parvati and lavender have been spreading rumors around about you two; crabbe and goyle have been looking very lost with no one to boss them around except zabini; ginny has a new boyfriend and she won't tell us who it is; and there's that dog with the fluffy tail again."

"What is it with that dog?"

"no idea."

"Hey hermione! are you nearly done?" asked draco.

"yes."

hugging them both hermione said her goodbye's and left.

hermione and draco continued to walk along there merry way.

Until...

draco saw a shiny coin on the ground.

"hey look! find a penny pick it up and all day long you'll have good luck!"

"What?"

"I saw it on a muggle movie once."

"yeah grease."

"yep that's the one."

hogwarts was just appearing in the distance when out from the bushes jumped...

a gnome followed closely by crookshanks.

"crookshanks? what are you doing there?"

suddenly out no where a train appeared and hit hermione. she died instantly

draco just stood there. then he turned his face to the sky and shouted "yes, finally."

a shadowy figure appeared behind him.

"well done draco. i was almost convinced that you did actually love the girl."

"master, there is no way i could fall in love with that disgusting, filthy mudblood whore."

"well you proved your loyalty to me, as was what the mission was about. you can now join my inner circle."

"thank you; my lord voldemort."

"You earned it draco, and now for your next task. I still want you to attend hogwarts, we'll come up with some story about hermione, but for now..."

"master?" draco interupted.

"what? i was busy explaining my evil plan."  
"sorry but you just said her name and you always said when talking to the enemy use last name basis other wise it show intimate attachment."

"no i didn't."

"yes you did. why?"

"well you see...


	8. Chapter 8

that really is none of your business. maybe one day when you prove yourself more, i will tell you. but until that time do not ask again or risk my wrath."

"yes my lord."

-----------------

draco had returned to hogwarts...

There were some very strange looks,but then he was backed into a corner by harry and ron.

"so did you do it?" harry asked quizzically.

"yeah i did, it's no longer a problem."

"finally." blurted out ron. "i thought harry and i would have to get rid of her ourselves. you were taking such a long time with it."

"I already said i'm sorry."

"yes well watch yourself. you are only inner circle, i am his child." said harry maliciously

" oh my god."

harry, ron and draco turned around in time to see a swish of a school cloak as the wearer was running away.

They did not have time to see who it was but no matter who they knew one thing was sure. they now had a search and destroy mission.

harry immediatly took charge.

"malfoy, you go that way. ron, that way. if you catch them notify me at once. i want to speak with them myself."

just too clear a few things up. harry is voldemorts son. he is voldemorts and lily's love child. voldemort killed lily because he grew bored of her. he killed james because he could. harry has a scar because voldemort tried to kill him because he hated the name harry. that is also why voldemort has been _apperently_ trying to kill him ever since. **_Apperently_**.

right, now that that's cleared up, back to the story.

"Master, i got him." malfoy said running up to harry.

"good, show me the way."

draco led harry into an empty classroom to see, tied up to a chair...

an old scarecrow.

"is this a joke malfoy?"

"he was here! he was right here! i know where he's gone, we can still get him..."

"malfoy. _Adava kedava!_"

"But i know who he his!" that was the last thing heard from the last living malfoy, as he was blown to oblivian.

---meanwhile in ireland---

huge party.

leprecauns every where.

drunk irish men and women.

beer everywhere.

---back at hogwarts---

"did you really have to do that?" asked ron looking at the mess.

"no, but i felt like it. besides sam told me too because she is getting bored with this story."

(sam) damn right

(rw) shutup sam

(sam) hey, stef and i are individually more powerful the lord moldywort and his gay son put together so do you still wanna pick a fight freckle face?

(rw)gulp...

(sam) that's what i thought.


	9. Chapter 9

"a do do do do do tilly dee potatoes."

"ron are you feeling alright?"

"of course sir."

--- mean while in harrys thoughts---

man this guys reallys lost it.

i can't believe i have to pretend to be friends with him

i really wanted to kill malfoy

is darth vader really lukes father?

or is it a cover up?

is snape really batman?

---inside rons head---

row row row your boat

gently down a stream

if you see a crocodile

don't forget to scream

---outside ron and harrys heads---

"ron why did you just scream?"

"No reason,"

"Whatever. Lets go, father is expecting me."

"Yes sir."

Harry and Ron walked down into the potions room where they found snape kneeling towards a hooded figure. Harry and Ron hurried and did the same, but just as Ron kneeled, the hooded figure blasted him to oblivian (A/N Sam- i love that word! Stef- No you don't. Sam- You are! Stef- ?)

"Son, I know you have been wondering about many questions, and i have the answers."

"Thank-you father."

"You may ask one question a day."

Harry nodded.

"what is your first question?"

---Harry thoughts---

should i ask if he is gay?

should i ask if darth vader is lukes father?

What is the meaning of life.

Is he gay?

Is snape batman?

How much wood can wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Why wasn't i allowed to kill ron?

Is he gay?

--- in the real world (or is it? mwah ha ha ha ha haaaa)---

"I have chosen father."

"What is it?"

"Is darth vader really lukes father?"

"Who are they?"

harry sighed _'sigh' _ see stef harry sighed! i told you i could make him sigh! boo yeah! go sam, go sam, it's your birthday, it's your birthday!

(Stef) no it's not

(Sam) shut up!

_BONK!_

(Sam) wah! cries stef hit me!

(Stef)you'll get over it

"father since you didn't know who darth vader and luke are, may i ask another question?"

"you just did sucker."

"oh you are sooo unfair!"

"hello! evil lord? did you forget that?"

Harry went sulking to his room whilst lord mouldywort was rubbed his hand together in glee while saying "Oh, i'm so evil."

---back at homework i mean hogwarts---

everyone was having a huge party.

not only had they finally gotton rid of a beaver and a vampire boy. but they had gotton rid of the weasel.

this year might turn out good after all.

---back with harry---

---inside harrys head---

_i'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl_

_who said i have it, i should bag it_

_acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair_

_i'm a relation to frankinstines creation_

---inside voldemorts head---

_-star wars theme-_

What the hell is star wars?

---inside the heads of all the death eaters watching lord voldermort on his evil throne---

---

(Sam) stef? i have one question for you.

(Stef) talking to lucius malfoy what? this had better be important.

(Sam) why would it be back at hogwarts when they were still there?

(Stef) i don't know, now will you excuse me? This is very important.

(Sam) why? planning your wedding to lucius?

(Stef) yes...i mean no... no... NOOOOOOOO!

(LM) do you have a problem with that?

(Sam) did she tell you that she's a muggle?

(LM) NOOOOOOOO!

(Sam) hee hee, i'm so evil. rubbing hands together evilly with and evil smirk on her evil face

just then one of those old steam trains appeared out of nowhere.

it hit sam

then reversed and hit her again

went forward and hit her again

and so it went on until stef grew bored of it.

then sam got hit by lightening.


	10. Chapter 10

sam was very mad at this so she decided to wait until the opitune moment and then strike back, but soon she was bored and wanted to get revenge now so she stole harry wand and turned her into a scarecrow.

---back to the story---

harry was pacing in his room when he was interupted by a knock on the door.

"who goes there." he shouted

"snape"

"come in severus." and he did so. "What do you want?"

"Your father asked me to come and see if you were alright."

"Well as you can see i must be for i am not dead."

"He wanted to know what was wrong?"

"How about you tell my father that if he know wants to start playing the part of _father _then he should come see if his child is alright by himself. not send one of his lacky's."

"very well. if that is how you reall feel."

"It is."

suddenly severus snape melted away to reveal the dark lord!

shock

horror

people screaming

teens in the streets crying

bookies are having a feild day with bets on if it's judgement day

the world is in total chaos.

(sorry this was a hypothetical situation. for if the simpsons were ever banned.)

---back to the story---

"you gotta be shitting me?"

"do not use that language in my presence."

"try and stop me _father._"

"Avada Kedavra!"

And Harry to was wiped from existence.

"Uh oh. I shouldn't have done that."

(sam) uh oh is right. you shouldn't have done that because now that there is no harry potter stories! There goes the series! hope your happy!

(LV) not right now but i will be after you type this...whispers into sam's ear

(Sam) you are evil. i love it, it's a perfect plan!

(stef) mind filling me in.

sam and lord voldermort grin evilly

(Stef) don't look at me like that

Here is the evil plan...

Severus Snape (Yes the real one) appeared and ran over to stef and hugged her!

(ss) Oh stef i missed you! Why didn't you return any of my owls? Afetr that wonderful weekend we spent in that secluded cabin...

(stef) shut up! i don't even know you!

(ss) yes you do pookey.

(sam) pookey?

(stef) kill me now!

(LV) if you insist.

(A/N) hehehe 8 more school days until the holidays start- when he holidays start i will be updating more often. Witch Tekamika


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